Talk Nerdy To Me

We've all done it, though most of us won't admit it. We have all seen a beautiful person of our preferred gender across a crowded room and thought, "there stands an angel" or at least "there stands someone I want to bumb bodies with." When this occures the more daring will approach said heavenly creature and do our level best to make an impression that leads to a lifetime, or maybe a night of bliss. Some are better at this than others. I am not one of those people. But, I have had my share of success with the ladies and what follows is a greatest hits of my fortunes and follies of picking up chicks.

10 nerdy things I have done to get laid

1) Temporarily dyed my hair to match the dress of my prom date.
 
Did it work? Not at all
 
2) Turned paper "Conversation Heart" decorations into a little book asking girl out on a date.
 
Did it work? First Base
 
3) Won a party game consisting of anonymously writing a description of your dream date and asked a cute girl at the party if she wanted me to make that dream come true.
 
Did it work? Didn't even have to wait for the dream date to happen.
 
4) Sang love songs at Karaoke, dedicated to the woman I was hoping to bed.
 
Did it work? Everytime
 
             4a) Acted like a wannabe badass and rapped Eminem at karaoke
 
Did it work? NEVER
 
5) Spoke Spanish to a girl from South America; said her name was beautiful.
 
Did it work? She was from Brazil
 
6) Took out an ad in a local weekly confessing my love
 
Did it work? Not even when combined with the breakfast I bought her to ensure she read the ad
 
7) Texted lyrics to love songs from her favorite band during the middle of the work day.
 
Did it work? Absolutely
 
8) Broke out dance moves inspired by high school musical choreography and Dance Dance Revolution.
 
Did it work?  Not even a little bit
 
                     8a) Challenged the girl she was dating to a DDR off, 1980's teen movie style
 
Did it work?  I did get out of my pants, but only because of all the jumping and stomping while not wearing a belt.
 
 
9) Talked about what I had learned in school about the principal exports and political environment of a foreign girl's home country.
 
Did it work? Could have, but this could also be attributed to introducing said girl to my friend, Jack Daniels.
 
10) One word. Shakespeare
 
Did it work? "Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie"


This post is dedicated to my wonderful partner of (damn near) seven years for falling for my goofy butt and saving me from the dating scene. I love you Spiderman!