Gay Marriage Will Destroy Society, as told in musical theater

I really am my most insightful at 0100. Late last night, or early this morning, as I was brushing my teeth, a song from Fiddler on the Roof was playing in my head. Figuring how it got there was futile, so I moved on to thinking about the theme of the musical play. That's when my mind made the crazy pants, midnight jump from musical theater to Gay marriage. I know, right. Musicals to Gays? How do those connect? That’s about the time my wandering mind fell upon an upsetting but undeniable truth. This schmaltzy community theater staple holds a stern warning about just what a real and dangerous threat to traditional marriage Homosexual matrimony truly is.

The big opening number of Fiddler features the full cast, the entirety of the village, singing proudly of the importance of tradition. [I like this version] As the story progresses, the three oldest daughters of the protagonist, Tevye, come of age and marry. Each in ways further challenging the tradition they sang about approximately a half hour before. The lynchpin of this chain of events is the eldest daughter, who defies tradition by eschewing the arrangement to the well off butcher, to live in poverty with the tailor she is mad for. It was marrying for love that rocked the entire community. It set in motion the snowball that led to the youngest of the three committing the unspeakable act of marrying outside the Jewish faith. This defiance found  her wed to her beloved, but divorced from her family. In an hour and a half of adapted for Broadway Klezmer music, a family is torn apart by breaking tradition to marry for love. If bucking tradition simply by marrying without Daddy’s permission can wreck a fictional family, real-life Gay marriage will blow traditional marriage off the map.

It is a tiresome argument that the conservative Right pontificate about preserving traditional marriage, and the liberal Left waste their breath trying to convince the Right that they have no idea what the words traditional marriage mean. Surely Tevye and company can be trusted as the guardians of tradition. The tell us that marriage is a business deal between man and a father, for the privilege of marrying / getting rid of a daughter.

If we take a look and the traditional marriage practices of the last thousands of years or so, a traditional marriage is a transaction of property. Asking for a lady's hand sounded much less "make me the happiest man alive" and much more "I offer a cow for your lovely daughter.  Two goats for the ugly one" Then bargain was signed and sealed. A contract. A marriage contract?  Yes. Such a thing was the bond of matrimony back then and is remains to this day. The Ketubah  is alive and well and an integral piece of a Jewish wedding and marriage. Of course, over time it has stepped far from the exchanging of livestock for women, but despite the PR makeover, it descended from documents signed to close a sale.

Now, let’s step away from all the Jewyness for a second, because marriage as business has never been specifically Hebraic. The royals of Europe were just as without choice in partner, forced to marry for politics’ sake.  The practice of betrothing a child even before birth was common in Asia. In fact, today up to 90 percent of marriages in India arranged*.  

Even in the Land Of The Free marriage is about money, or was until the 1960s. Women often entered college seeking an M.r.s. Degree first and a Bachelor's in something or other as a fall back. It was always hoped by women and their families that they would "marry well" What does it mean to marry well? A woman used whatever charms she had to rope a man who would be a good provider for her and her children. Provider, in this case, is a euphemism for meal ticket.

It wasn't until the Women's Liberation movement of the 1970s that marriage started to inch its way toward becoming a partnership of equals. Less than forty years ago marrying for money was the status quo. Marrying for love was the domain of harry legged bra burners, if they chose to marry at all. If the traditional marriage all those law makers are trying to protect are the unions of a man and his property or a financier and his whore then Gay marriage is a terrific threat. When heterosexuals marrying for love challenges traditional marriage, equal marriage rights for Gays will destroy it. It's hard to maintain patriarchy in a same sex relationship, but more than that,  Gays won't marry for money.

The very definition of Gay or Homosexual is loving someone of the same sex. The kind of love that can not be ignored or repressed for long, no matter how deeply it’s shoved to the back of a closet. For heterosexuals, love is a feeling, a state of being, perhaps. For Gays, love is identity. We are who we love. The search for financial security from a partner or hope of finding a sugar daddy exists among us, but these couples aren't the ones standing in line for days to obtain marriage licenses. This is what terrifies the conservative lawmakers who, in their younger days, married a swell gal though she married a cash cow. These older gentleman have come to resent their loveless relationships to the point of tapping feet in airport bathrooms and posting photos of their private parts on Twitter. They want what we have, so they are doing their damnedest not to let us enjoy it.

But we do enjoy it, every single day. Every morning we kiss our partners out the door. We read news apps together over coffee. We go to absurd lengths to build our families. We embrace at every opportunity. We fight, and we make up. We nag and we negotiate. We reluctantly take out the garbage. Our tastes in movies and music somehow meld overtime. We become fans-by-marriage of the other's beloved sports team. We warm up to our would-be in laws  We forget which box our Menorahs are stored in and create makeshift ones out of glass bottles. (Okay, maybe that's just my family.) My point is, Gay people are married in their hearts and minds and daily lives all around you. In states where it is legal and in states where it is constitutionally forbidden . And all of us are married in our way, out of love and nothing but love. The traditionalists watch us, green-eyed and fuming. They know that when marriages are bound by heart strings, the tetherings of purse strings are as steady as a fiddler on the roof.

 

TRADITION! 

*Citation - abc 20/20

The Higher Callings of Flowers and Chocolate

It’s Valentine’s Day and Facebook and Twitter are blowing up with statuses, images, tweets, and memes expressing more vehement oppositions than we saw through the entire election season. Single people are out in droves protesting the grave elitism of chocolate and flowers, baring their jealousy with fangs and herbicide  Sympathetic couples declare that it’s “just another day” and “show your partner you love them everyday.” More romantic couples are trying to convince such V-day haters to stop peeing on their Poptarts. Or in this case, Russel Stovers. It’s war out there people. Perhaps that’s why Cupid is depicted as an archer. But there’s much more to this holiday than the joining lips of lovers, and spitting mouths of singles. It appears that no one seems to get the point of the love potion tipped arrows.
Like most holidays, St Valentine’s Day begins with a legend. We like our legends here. It gives us the power of shouting ‘It’s just a made up bogus tradition” around any holiday or festival we are not fond of. Still, the legend of St. Valentine is one we should all consider carefully, before setting any Hallmark stores ablaze. As it is told, In third century Rome, Emperor Claudius Gothicus set many laws oppressing the Christian minority in his state. One of these edicts was that Christians were not allowed to marry. A minority group denied the right to marry by the government? Rings familiar doesn’t it?

Saint Valentine, who was Valentinus at the time, defied the Emperor by committing the brash crime of showing empathy and kindness and performing marriages of gay .. I mean Christian couples. For his troubles he was arrested and eventually beheaded. All for the sake of equal rights for those whom the law of the land prohibited their marriage.

Kind of a different perspective from let’s all eat chocolate and have sex while we point and laugh and single people, right? Saint Valentine worked in direct opposition of the government performing marriages the state had banned. Then he lost his life for it.


What would our reactions be if such occurred today? How would we feel if a pastor was arrested and beaten, and hanged all for the crime of acting on the belief that marriage is a human right and not a heterosexual privilege? How much would we, gay or ally, appreciate his sacrifice? Would we begrudge this modern martyr the honor of smelling a few roses and eating a piece of chocolate? Would we even accept that we picked the coconut one, because we celebrate the life and work of a person so important to ending our struggles? Do the Whites bitterly continue to clock in while only the Blacks take Martin Luther King Jr day off? Should single people curse such contributions and acts of love for those prohibited from marrying? Or do we all salute the overcoming of barriers to equality and those who worked and died for it?

It is my hope and plea, to all of those who decry Valentine’s Day to consider it’s deeper meaning. To understand how the actions of one man 18 centuries ago, apply so directly to the struggles of right now. Rights now. For all who hate or celebrate, remember too look beyond the pink and red, and perhaps see the rainbow waiting behind it. Look past smoochy couples, and perhaps see how that kiss will not seal a wedding ceremony for so many of your friends, or for yourself.
We have come far. We have so much further to go. Single or in a relationship, If you believe in equal rights, smell a flower, eat a chocolate, and remember the man who started this fight.

Chickengate 2012

The very concept of this image is bullshit.

Let me tell you why.




Ok Friends. Listen Up. I am clearing up this Chick-Fil-A confusion right about now. It goes like this. IF THE COMPANY TAKES YOUR MONEY AND USES IT, OR GIVES IT TO PEOPLE WHO USE IT TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY. See, nice and simple. The Chick Fil A boycott has nothing to do with First Amendment rights (at least as far as I know, no one has been pepper sprayed, God Help Us if they have) The CEO of Chick-Fil-A, has every right in the world to say anything he want about Jesus Hatin' Turd Punchers ‘til his tiny little black heart’s content, and we can call him A Bible Thumping Nazi Dingleberry all we want. It's not about words. It's about MONEY. Words are what we are slinging around to to convince each other to either stop spending money on tasty tasty waffle fries on principal, or to buy more of them because, you know, fuck the gays.

Now let me be clear. CEO, Dan Cathy’s comments SUCK, and are what lit this fire, but it is the laundry list of anti-gay organizations and hate groups that receive a cut from your purchase of nuggets and hand squeezed lemonade that are the real issue. I believe I speak for all gays everywhere when I say we really want to get married and we get our feathers ruffled when people do shit on purpose to make sure that never ever ever happens By GOD! Because, you know, all gay people kick puppies and drown kittens in sewers. What we REALLY can't stand is our family and friends (the ones that still speak to us, precious few that they are) giving money, even indirectly, to these groups that think we were all minted straight (ha ha) from Satan's asshole.


Armed with the truth about how the company donates our hard earned cash,  we took to the interwebs and made damn sure everybody knew exactly where their money was going, so that they could make the informed decision to stop giving it to Chick-Fil-A. After all, they love their gay friends and family more than lightly breaded chicken breasts. We took over Facebook and burned out everyone we know with photoshopped images of cows holding signs ala Westboro Baptist. Yes, we got a little uppity. We posted a ton of statuses, and we wore our rainbow tube socks to work two days in a row. Our Bad. But can you really blame us? We're not twelve months removed from all the Occupy Wall Street shenanigans and all the action we are calling for is to eat at KFC and make out in a parking lot for a couple of hours. Even if our boycott dollars are made up tenfold by right-wing dollars, everybody now knows what they are getting along with their peach milkshakes, and if nothing notable comes from the Chick-Fil-A Same Sex Kiss Day, it will provide the country with some free Lesbian Soft Core, and that means everybody wins!







This semi-gratuitous, hot lesbian make-out, featuring one of our country's finest defenders of freedom, is brought to you by the demise of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the discriminatory policy those damn illiterate cows fought to keep in place. 

Picking Cherries

I planned not to post this particular piece, because it comes off a bit zealous and preachy, but my friend, Ian, has offered a strong point that I want to echo. This was posted on his Facebook this morning.

"I'm reading too much, trying to witnes too much. Somebody's got to pay attention. But there's too many acts of vicious stupidity & violent ignorance happening everywhere. Bigotry is winning over tolorance. Religious oppression over spiritual freedom, and God help me, hate is winning over love. I am alomost hoping that something really IS going to happen on December 21st. We can't go on like this." -Ian Egan

 I once said in a group of near strangers that my politics were strongly tied to my religion. Having apparently not noticed that I had mentioned my long-term lesbian relationship 18 times, a few people recoiled and asked in tones filled with partisan disdain, "Are you a Republican?" Of course, I corrected them and spewed a little vitriol about the loud mouthed Conservative Christians that give the perceived minority Liberal Christians a bad name. The following post is inspired by a similar, though much more intimate situation. For the many of you reading this who prefer to have little to do with discussions of the Bible, I beg your indulgence and mean only to express my beliefs, not shove them.


Without further Ado, Picking Cherries


A few nights ago, my girlfriend, who is Jewish, came across a passage from the New Testament in a book she was reading. She asked me about the context, and then her love of asking me questions combined with my love of explaining things (something that makes us perfect for each other) and led to a pretty lengthy bedtime Bible lesson. I introduced the major players and defined some key New Testament vocabulary, and it was in the discussion of parables that my Dear One got confused. Illustrating by example I told her my two favorites of Christ’s teachings, the parable of the Good Samaritan and the parable of the Sheep and the Goats. Both are found in Matthew, or if you’re not a big reader, the musical Godspell. Having just been subject to a verse from Romans, condemning us, personally, for loving each other, she asked me, “If Jesus said to love everybody, how can Christians hate gay people?”

I was floored. How could I answer the greatest question in progressive Christianity to someone who, minutes ago, didn't know the definition of Apostle, and only  6 hours before the alarm clock was to go off? I took a breath, and found my words. “It’s called, cherry picking.”

“The Bible is huge,” I told her “and contradicts itself an amazing number of times. Because we can’t take it all in, we have to pick and choose what we remember. There are those, who chose to remember that which they think elevates themselves above others. Take Leviticus. We hear over and over the verse that it is an abomination for a man to sleep with a man, but how often to we hear the commandments to not touch your wife during her period or to stone rape victims, that are in that very same chapter? People pick and choose Old and New Testament alike. Some people find a verse that condemns something they don’t like and trumpet it like it is the only thing Jesus ever said. It’s sad, but it happens.

“But there is another kind.” I said.  “I cherry pick the verses that make me feel good about life and other people. Jesus said to ‘Love G-d and love your neighbor as yourself’  to remove the plank from your own eye before attempting to take the spec from your brother’s and do your good deeds in secret, not for the praise of men. He taught kindness and generosity saying, 'that which you did for the least of your brothers, you also did for me’ and 'one cannot love G-d and money,' and He warned against pride with  'blessed are the meek and persecuted.' These are the parts I accept and apply to my own life, and I leave all that abomination stuff for someone else to thump. It’s cherry picking, sure, but I’m pretty sure my cherries are much sweeter than the ones that condemn for doing this…” I kissed her, closed my eyes, said a prayer, and went to sleep happy.

Alden by Egan