Yesterday, my partner and I did not go kiss in front of a Chick Fil A. We did not choose to abstain from the protest because my wife remains marginally closeted for professional reasons. We did not stay home because we couldn’t find information regarding which Chick Fil A to go to at what time. It was an experience we shared the night before that made us realize we don’t give a damn what Chick Fil A thinks.
Late Thursday night, like married couples do, my Sweetie and I quarreled. To vent my frustrations, I took our dog for a walk. Though I wasn’t gone long, when I returned my girl was already in bed reading a book. As I started to prepare for my shower, she took hold of my wrist and gave it a gentle tug, a cue to get in bed beside her. I was still in my street clothes and reeked of cigarette smoke, but I lay down on top of the covers and Sweetie pulled me into her arms. She stroked my hair and whispered “Baby, I’m sorry.” My, “I forgive you” was understood, but remained unsaid. Even after seven years, my wife’s embrace can leave me breathless. It was in that moment, as I intertwined my fingers with hers, and our cat wriggled his way into the middle of our cuddle, that I realized no amount of hate can touch this love.
There is no word can be said. There is no bill can be passed. There is no rock can be thrown, that will break-up this marriage. It is not a piece of paper stamped by a bureaucrat that makes us married. It is the way she bags up the trash for me to take it out. It is the kiss I place on her shoulder blade whenever I find myself behind her. It is the way we refer to each other as mom, or momma when talking to our pets, and shake our heads when we see the new “girls fashion” at Target. It is the box of her favorite candy hidden in the back of the pantry, and the bottle of my favorite tea picked up on the way home. It is learning to forgive the socks on the floor, but nagging about the leak under the sink. It is the frustration of one that other stayed late at work without calling. It is proofreading each other’s papers, presentations, and blog posts. It is giving in that she will talk on the phone while driving, but insisting that she use a bluetooth because I worry. It’s laughing at the same in-jokes for half a decade and learning to love the produce stickers on the freezer door. It is the day I realized my aversion to juice or tea made with corn syrup was entirely her influence. It is reserving every “I told you so.” It's being the human dictionary to her human calculator, and always being in awe of her uncanny googling skills. It is the way she really listens when I blather about evolutionarily maladaptive traits in arachnids, or socio-political theory as represented in The Hunger Games or other such pedantry. It's understanding each other's need for alone time and her coming to terms with my close friendship with my ex. It is forgiveness and learning to let go of grudges. It is that one thing each of us does that makes the other insane. It's the library fines incurred when I insist she read the book I just finished, and forget to renew it online. It is the midday text messages that say I am thinking of you. It is ending every phone call with “I love you” before “goodbye.” It is accepting that we will fight, and learning to fight fair. It is never going to bed angry, even if it means staying up til 2am, that make our relationship as impossible to put asunder as any legal marriage. No amount of waffle fries can ever take that away.
Showing posts with label Sweetie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sweetie. Show all posts
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Picking Cherries
I planned not to post this particular piece, because it comes off a bit zealous and preachy, but my friend, Ian, has offered a strong point that I want to echo. This was posted on his Facebook this morning.
I once said in a group of near strangers that my politics were strongly tied to my religion. Having apparently not noticed that I had mentioned my long-term lesbian relationship 18 times, a few people recoiled and asked in tones filled with partisan disdain, "Are you a Republican?" Of course, I corrected them and spewed a little vitriol about the loud mouthed Conservative Christians that give the perceived minority Liberal Christians a bad name. The following post is inspired by a similar, though much more intimate situation. For the many of you reading this who prefer to have little to do with discussions of the Bible, I beg your indulgence and mean only to express my beliefs, not shove them.
Without further Ado, Picking Cherries
A few nights ago, my girlfriend, who is Jewish, came across a passage from the New Testament in a book she was reading. She asked me about the context, and then her love of asking me questions combined with my love of explaining things (something that makes us perfect for each other) and led to a pretty lengthy bedtime Bible lesson. I introduced the major players and defined some key New Testament vocabulary, and it was in the discussion of parables that my Dear One got confused. Illustrating by example I told her my two favorites of Christ’s teachings, the parable of the Good Samaritan and the parable of the Sheep and the Goats. Both are found in Matthew, or if you’re not a big reader, the musical Godspell. Having just been subject to a verse from Romans, condemning us, personally, for loving each other, she asked me, “If Jesus said to love everybody, how can Christians hate gay people?”
I was floored. How could I answer the greatest question in progressive Christianity to someone who, minutes ago, didn't know the definition of Apostle, and only 6 hours before the alarm clock was to go off? I took a breath, and found my words. “It’s called, cherry picking.”
“The Bible is huge,” I told her “and contradicts itself an amazing number of times. Because we can’t take it all in, we have to pick and choose what we remember. There are those, who chose to remember that which they think elevates themselves above others. Take Leviticus. We hear over and over the verse that it is an abomination for a man to sleep with a man, but how often to we hear the commandments to not touch your wife during her period or to stone rape victims, that are in that very same chapter? People pick and choose Old and New Testament alike. Some people find a verse that condemns something they don’t like and trumpet it like it is the only thing Jesus ever said. It’s sad, but it happens.
“But there is another kind.” I said. “I cherry pick the verses that make me feel good about life and other people. Jesus said to ‘Love G-d and love your neighbor as yourself’ to remove the plank from your own eye before attempting to take the spec from your brother’s and do your good deeds in secret, not for the praise of men. He taught kindness and generosity saying, 'that which you did for the least of your brothers, you also did for me’ and 'one cannot love G-d and money,' and He warned against pride with 'blessed are the meek and persecuted.' These are the parts I accept and apply to my own life, and I leave all that abomination stuff for someone else to thump. It’s cherry picking, sure, but I’m pretty sure my cherries are much sweeter than the ones that condemn for doing this…” I kissed her, closed my eyes, said a prayer, and went to sleep happy.
"I'm reading too much, trying to witnes too much. Somebody's got to pay attention. But there's too many acts of vicious stupidity & violent ignorance happening everywhere. Bigotry is winning over tolorance. Religious oppression over spiritual freedom, and God help me, hate is winning over love. I am alomost hoping that something really IS going to happen on December 21st. We can't go on like this." -Ian Egan
I once said in a group of near strangers that my politics were strongly tied to my religion. Having apparently not noticed that I had mentioned my long-term lesbian relationship 18 times, a few people recoiled and asked in tones filled with partisan disdain, "Are you a Republican?" Of course, I corrected them and spewed a little vitriol about the loud mouthed Conservative Christians that give the perceived minority Liberal Christians a bad name. The following post is inspired by a similar, though much more intimate situation. For the many of you reading this who prefer to have little to do with discussions of the Bible, I beg your indulgence and mean only to express my beliefs, not shove them.
Without further Ado, Picking Cherries
A few nights ago, my girlfriend, who is Jewish, came across a passage from the New Testament in a book she was reading. She asked me about the context, and then her love of asking me questions combined with my love of explaining things (something that makes us perfect for each other) and led to a pretty lengthy bedtime Bible lesson. I introduced the major players and defined some key New Testament vocabulary, and it was in the discussion of parables that my Dear One got confused. Illustrating by example I told her my two favorites of Christ’s teachings, the parable of the Good Samaritan and the parable of the Sheep and the Goats. Both are found in Matthew, or if you’re not a big reader, the musical Godspell. Having just been subject to a verse from Romans, condemning us, personally, for loving each other, she asked me, “If Jesus said to love everybody, how can Christians hate gay people?”
I was floored. How could I answer the greatest question in progressive Christianity to someone who, minutes ago, didn't know the definition of Apostle, and only 6 hours before the alarm clock was to go off? I took a breath, and found my words. “It’s called, cherry picking.”
“The Bible is huge,” I told her “and contradicts itself an amazing number of times. Because we can’t take it all in, we have to pick and choose what we remember. There are those, who chose to remember that which they think elevates themselves above others. Take Leviticus. We hear over and over the verse that it is an abomination for a man to sleep with a man, but how often to we hear the commandments to not touch your wife during her period or to stone rape victims, that are in that very same chapter? People pick and choose Old and New Testament alike. Some people find a verse that condemns something they don’t like and trumpet it like it is the only thing Jesus ever said. It’s sad, but it happens.
“But there is another kind.” I said. “I cherry pick the verses that make me feel good about life and other people. Jesus said to ‘Love G-d and love your neighbor as yourself’ to remove the plank from your own eye before attempting to take the spec from your brother’s and do your good deeds in secret, not for the praise of men. He taught kindness and generosity saying, 'that which you did for the least of your brothers, you also did for me’ and 'one cannot love G-d and money,' and He warned against pride with 'blessed are the meek and persecuted.' These are the parts I accept and apply to my own life, and I leave all that abomination stuff for someone else to thump. It’s cherry picking, sure, but I’m pretty sure my cherries are much sweeter than the ones that condemn for doing this…” I kissed her, closed my eyes, said a prayer, and went to sleep happy.
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